Listenin' ......tryin to anyway...

I'm sitting here wondering what to do next. At this rate all my kids are grown and gone....the life I had before is now very quiet. Even when I'm not alone, I still feel alone. I'm so tired of everything being so surface! What happened to knowing someone...really knowing them?
At this point, I can only speculate that they're just not wanting to be known. There are just wayyyyy to many secrets....too many things people are hiding.....and it's sad.
To be so stuck, so miserable, so selfish.
But secrets find you out....and so will theirs....... they already have started..........

hot and cold

You know....sometimes you have these days....but Lord, these days are getting lonely.....
I am Screaming inside for someone to talk to ....really really talk to ....to discuss things with ....learn things with......
SCREAMING!!!!!!

feeling lost...........

I know that God has a plan for me......... I wish I knew what it was. I have so much to learn still, I know....and I know that I need to really be leaning more on Him. I can't even imagine what Jesus went through, people mocking Him all the time, telling Him that He wasn't who He said He was........... all the time, knowing that He was here, only to die for people like that. It is so hard to even just live day to day sometimes....knowing that people make fun of you behind your back, laughing with others because you try too much to live for God and do the right things. an "extremest".....that's what they say............. I take it a bit too overboard. I wonder...........if someone they knew, gave their life for them, or their child..............how would they feel about that person? What does it take for one to totally love and want to do for someone? Christ died for us, and look at how most of us repay Him. We listen to things that fill our minds with sinful thoughts or actions, we watch things that are violent, vulgar or just plain nasty, and all these things are going to make us the better people we are "striving " to be????? I don't think so !
Trash in ............. Trash out ! If it's not good enough for kids to watch, then noone else should be watching it either. If that makes me an extremest, or radical....than so be it. I'd rather live my life knowing that it's more pleasing to God , than to be at risk of it not being so. I have people that watch me, children and adults alike. If I'm loose on standards and morals, how does that translate to them? How does that translate to Jesus? Wouldn't my lack of trying to please Him be a slap in His face.............after all that suffering He went through for me? Don't get me wrong, I am way far from perfect ! I struggle every day.....but I do my best and pray for His help......... eventually I'll get there.